Resolutions Revisited

Set realistic New Year's resolutions this year keeping in mind your role as a parent and a wife or husband.

Many people see the end of the year as a good time for reflection and review. This to be particularly true for parents, as we ask ourselves…

‘Do I hug, kiss and say ‘I love you’ often enough?’

‘Have I yelled or punished too often?’

‘Have I demonstrated enough interest in my child’s activities, art projects, friendship dilemmas and schoolwork?’

‘Do I put enough effort into setting adequate limits?’

‘Do I spend enough time with my child?’

In truth, being a good parent is really hard work. More often than not, we don’t give ourselves enough credit for all we do to become better parents. Instead, we feel guilty about not having achieved our parenting goals.

Our biggest source of guilt is feeling that we don’t spend enough time with our kids. Work (inside and outside the home) is time-consuming; one child may need more attention than another; an aging parent might require our energy; and, of course, unexpected problems arise, demanding immediate resolution.

Now, the end of the year is here, and well-intended resolutions have been thwarted: We didn’t go to the park often enough, help with homework, play board games, cook healthier meals, or pick a wholesome TV show to watch together. The year flew by and now, as we reflect, we feel a nagging guilt that we have a long way to go to become really good parents.

That being said, you may be surprised to learn that guilt is an enormous obstacle to being the best parent you can possibly be—it is a destructive emotion. Guilt is exhausting, time-consuming, and it makes you feel like a failure. There is nothing about feeling guilty that will help you become a better parent. Therefore, instead of feeling guilty about what you haven’t achieved, it is far more beneficial to acknowledge your parenting successes. Then reassess your goals for next year—perhaps tweaking them to be a bit more realistic.