Ask Dad and Buried: Why Do Kids Have So Much Laundry?

Does it feel like you can't ever get a handle on your kids' laundry? You're not alone.

By Mike Julianelle September 10, 2021

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We live in Brooklyn, and despite the (small) backyard I mentioned, we don't have a ton of space. My wife and I share a closet and a dresser, and we manage—mostly because neither of us has bought any new clothes in a solid year and a half. Meanwhile, my kids have continued to accrue new outfits. It’s almost like they’re feeding their clothes after midnight or something.

Among them, they have countless superhero shirts, 11 pairs of jeans (and every single pair inexplicably has holes in both knees even though we bought them last week and the most strenuous thing they’ve done in them is play Minecraft), multiple bathing suits for some reason, and tons of hand-me-downs from other families who actually buy name-brand clothes for their children. As a result, my 5-year-old has more hip outfits than I do. It's almost like he's the Cher of Brooklyn, switching into some new elaborate outfit as he goes from “I Got You Babe” to “If I Could Turn Back Time” to “Believe.”

Despite your claim that you aren’t looking for advice—and the fact that we are in the exact same boat, so I have none to give—this is an advice column. I feel obligated to offer some sort of solution. So here you go: If you want to have less laundry, have fewer kids!

I know, I know, that’s not funny. But I honestly can’t think of any other way for parents to lessen the laundry load. Maybe just buy a set of potato sacks that can be re-worn and tossed out every week or so. At least you don’t have to fold those. Which reminds me: No, I will not do your folding for you. The folding is the worst part!

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