Top Tweets of the Week: Aug. 4-10

By Meredith Hirt February 6, 2015

It's the last month of summer, but there's still time for family vacations—including incredibly lengthy ones, apparently, and ones that require the home cooking you thought you were getting a break from. If you don't want to deal with dishes after dinner, take a page from @citymomsecrets book and let the kids eat off your lap.

I just booked my very first house-cleaning service...looking forward to some mommy help #momlife — Nichelle N. Pace (@STYLEMOM) August 7, 2014

What took you so long?

Hey #NYC, I'm not carrying twins. Just growing a baby big enough to kick the !#@! of the next person who asks me that. — Mama411NYC (@Mama411NYC) August 4, 2014

Ooh, let's make a T-shirt out of this one! #PregnancyProblems

After hours of shit traffic and a toddler I decide to put my feet up and let Max have spaghetti on the couch. Not... http://t.co/v0i4zQdE3E — Stephanie Barnhart (@citymomsecrets) August 7, 2014

At least there were no dishes to wash, right? Follow the link to see @citymomsecrets as a human buffet.

When I'm not eating or chasing my screaming kids, #ireadeverywhere @nypl http://t.co/UDHRwAQwRU — Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 6, 2014

You can get your screaming kids to read everywhere, too by following these tips to encourage reading for fun!

Vacation=I don't make dinner. Family trip=I make dinner for everyone in a rental house kitchen. At least the wine is cold. #familytravel — MannahattaMamma (@mannahattamamma) August 5, 2014

Every cloud has a ~~chardonnay~~silver lining.

Dear Ebola: Please stop giving my mom statistically low-likelihood events to lose sleep over and call me about. — Charlie O'Donnell (@ceonyc) August 4, 2014

You'll always be her baby! ...who is susceptible to rare, life-threatening diseases.

Tonight I made the dreaded "No TV or iPad tomorrow" punishment. Which, of course, means I will suffer way worse than my children. — Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) August 5, 2014

Our sympathy; been there, done that. #MomentOfWeakness

I have no patience for people who have no patience for kids. — Professional Dad (@AmateurIdiot) August 4, 2014

You tell 'em, @AmateurIdiot.

"Well I'll just spit on it & then you can't eat it either" ~ My 7 yr old when her brother wouldn't share his ice cream. #AndSheDid — Susan Pazera (@SusanPazera) August 4, 2014

Sibling logic.

"mom let's go we're gonna be late." "I'm ready to go, let's go." My mother was actually scrubbing a pot in the sink while she said that. — Mike Byhoff (@mbyhoff) August 4, 2014

Maybe you should have offered to help with the dishes, @mbyhoff!

Daughter just went for a cheerio that dropped on the floor. Told her "no, dirty," then when she wasn't looking, I ate it. #howtodad — Peter Shankman (@petershankman) August 4, 2014

"When you're old enough, I'll teach you about the five second rule."

23 days might be too long for a family vacation. — Rebecca Land Soodak (@RLSoo) August 6, 2014

We applaud you for undertaking such an ambitious adventure, @RLSoo. Wow. We hope you all survive your family trips! To capture the memories in all their glory, create a vacation scrapbook full of photos and mementos. For inspiration, see these tips from two pros—at scrapbooking and at parenting—on how to get started. Join us on Tuesdays for more Top Tweets. In the meantime, follow us for practical parenting advice, local events in the NY Metro area, and exclusive deals and discounts. Join the conversation by tweeting at us, @NYMetroParents—maybe you’ll see your tweet here next week!